How We’re Learning

by Kori Yates

We stood in the kitchen and I was stinking mad. Things had just not worked like I had planned that day. I shared my frustration with my sweet hubby and he had some sweet advice. His response to my outburst was, “It’s not about you, Kori.” You know I responded back with something sweet.

Not really.

I said, with clenched teeth and possibly veins popping out of my forehead, “I know. It’s about Jesus!”

I’ve had moments in our marriage when I have not always appreciated the wisdom of my husband. I have also had moments when I haven’t appreciated his love, grace, patience . . . the list could go on and on.

He’s not perfect, but I do need a reminder sometimes of the gift he is to me.

Remembering what we have walked through together, how the Lord crossed our paths to begin with, and the dreams we have talked about over the years encourages me to be thankful.

Marriage is not always easy. It can be downright hard some days, but a heart of gratitude can truly make a difference. Thankfulness to both God and my hubby for what the Lord has done in me and in us changes my perspective and gives me courage in the way forward.

I am thankful, and being intentional about saying thank you is important both for my heart and for our marriage.

How to Say Thank You:

  1. Remember – Make a list of the things you are thankful for in your husband–you know, all those things you like about him. This is where I always have to start.
  2. Look – Usually we see what we are looking for. Think about it, if we are looking for the good things in our husband and marriage, we will surely find it more often.
  3. Use Your Words – Not everyone is a “words of affirmation” person, but truly our words can change both our heart and our relationship. Ever read the book of James? Say thank you. Share verbally when you appreciate or notice something.
  4. Write it Down – A note is a great way of saying how much you appreciate your husband. It doesn’t have to be long or elaborate, maybe just a sentence or two. I like to tuck them into places he’s not expecting.
  5. Take Time – One thing my husband loves most is to know he’s important to me. The best way he sees that is when I take the time to be with him. Whether it’s chatting while I fix dinner, standing by him at a party just because, or choosing his voice over the many others going on around me, these intentional acts let him know I like him best of all.
  6. Pray – I have found when I pray for him, my heart changes toward him and I am reminded that God is doing a work in my husband as much as He is in me.

Your Turn:

Take some time to think about what you love about your husband this week and make it a point to say so, whether verbally or in writing. That list is a great thing to write down to remind yourself, as well, in moments when being thankful is a bit hard.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. (James 3:9-10)

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:12-14)


Lord, help me to remember the gift my husband is to me. Help me to be thankful for the gift and to express my thankfulness both to You and to him.

Additional Resources:

You + Me – 32 Love Notes Set

A Notepad or Journal – easy, right? It’s a great place to keep that list!