In this week’s Monday Minute, Kelli shares how God’s presence heals our pain, even the pain of miscarriage.
Somewhere Over the Rainbow
by Kelli Baker
Stationed in Germany for about a year, my husband and I decided to start trying to expand our family. Much to our surprise, I became pregnant very quickly. We were ecstatic! At four weeks along, I called my parents to proclaim the good news. The next four weeks were filled with many emotions. Being away from home made me sad because I wouldn’t be able to share this experience with our families. Then morning sickness crept in. The cramping worried me, but everything on the internet said it was normal.
Every little thing brought instant fear to mind.
Then one cold night in October, we took a long bus ride with Morale Welfare and Recreation (MWR) to a Halloween event at a castle. We had been looking forward to getting out and seeing this beautiful part of Germany. Little did we realize the agonizing pain that would cripple me as we rode the long four hours back home.
All I could do was silently cry as I sat in my seat. It felt as though my pain chained to this seat and forced me to remain silent. The military members in their twenties filled the bus with excitement as we pulled away from the castle. Meanwhile, I felt trapped.
We arrived home well after midnight. By this time, I was exhausted, both mentally and physically. My whole body ached, down to my soul. I could feel my heart breaking as the reality began to sink in.
We lost our baby.
This news had me on the floor of my bathroom in deep despair. I felt as though my husband couldn’t understand the pain I was feeling. He was processing it as well, hurting, too. Although, his outward way of dealing with the pain was different from mine.
There was so much hurt and pain. What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently?
God’s Presence Heals Our Pain
Then, after about two weeks passed on a dreary rainy day, a rainbow appeared in the sky. It reminded me of God’s promises. I felt as though he was looking down on reminding me that I was loved and heard. His gentle reminder that he feels my pain.
Psalm 34:8 came to mind, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” When I felt so far from everyone else, the Lord reminded me of his nearness. When my soul was crushed because of this loss, I was reminded of my Savior.
Thankfully, we became pregnant a few months later and our rainbow baby was born exactly one year to the date of our loss. It is so awesome to see how God works and reminds us of his provision and protection in our lives.
Rise Up
Pause and reflect on your feelings. Recognize that it’s okay to grieve your loss. During this pause, allow your body, mind, and soul to heal.
Pray Lift up your eyes to the Healer. Cast your burdens at his feet. Tell him, “My heart is in anguish within me” (Psalm 55:4a) as David did. Let the Lord know all the emotions you’re feeling. Let it all out.
Remember The Lord hears you. He cares for you in your sorrow. He is near to you and wants to mend your broken heart.
Prayer
Lord, thank you for being near to us always, but especially when we are brokenhearted. Thank you for listening to us when we are hurting. Help us to remember this promise that you are near and hear us when we cry out to you. Amen.
If you are suffering with the pain of miscarriage or infant loss find more encouragment in these blog posts:
Infant Loss Amid Military Life
